In the Netflix show Dead to Me, a recently widowed woman is venting to a friend about struggling to manage her stress and anger. “Are you meditating?” her friend asks. “Oh, yeah, I’m meditating.” Cut to our heroine headbanging to death metal behind the wheel of her car.

I laughed out loud in recognition. Ah yes, if only we would meditate, do yoga, take an hourlong bath, we wouldn’t be so burned out and exhausted! Who hasn’t wanted to rage in response to that venerated wisdom?  A friend recently said to me, “All that breathing stuff is great, but five minutes of meditation in the morning isn’t going to solve the problem.” The problem being the sheer exhaustion from the barrage of needs and to-dos and impossible expectations that is flying in her face all day.

Spending five minutes every morning for a week just sitting and breathing in and out, tuning into our bodies – we know intellectually it helps us over time; mentally, physically and emotionally. But when we can barely get our kids out the door or our two extra hours of work done before our meetings start for the day, this does not solve the problem in and of itself. If anything it can feel like one more “to-do.”

Except here’s the thing: that’s exactly when we need it.  We’re not meditating in order to “solve the problem," at least not at first. We’re doing it to send a new message to our brains and to our souls, and that message is this:

I am taking care of myself.

Everything and everyone else can wait for me.

I am important.

For that five-minute window, you are the most important person.  Your basic need to sit and breathe is the highest priority.  This tiny action helps you get used to the idea that you can be important, that your needs can be at the top of the list.  In a state of constant crazy, we need to practice living in a world where that is true – even if only for five minutes at first.

And if you’re worth five minutes (I’ll save you the suspense, you ARE), maybe you’re worth ten. And you keep going, over days and weeks, building the belief that you are important and you are worth your own time.  

This is how we start to solve the problem: honoring ourselves and our time. 

Minute by minute, breath by breath.